13 ways to earn yourself bad luck in Austin

Today is Friday the 13th. Whether you’re looking to slide through the day with as little misfortune as possible, or weirdly looking to maximize it, there are a few ways to earn yourself bad luck in this city.

The striking Goddess of Liberty, one of the most famous Texas statues on top of the Texas State Capitol is silhouetted against a full moon, Monday, Nov. 14, 2016. 2016. A full moon at its perigee is called super moon. Monday's supermoon is the brightest since 1948. RICARDO B. BRAZZIELL/AMERICAN-STATESMAN

The striking Goddess of Liberty, one of the most famous Texas statues on top of the Texas State Capitol is silhouetted against a full moon, Monday, Nov. 14, 2016. 2016. A full moon at its perigee is called super moon. Monday’s supermoon is the brightest since 1948.
RICARDO B. BRAZZIELL/AMERICAN-STATESMAN

Here are 13 surefire ways to find yourself in a less-than-lucky situation in Austin, Texas:

  1. Crossing the path of a grackle. It’s a lot like crossing the path of a black cat. Except slightly more terrifying and impossible to avoid if you’re in an HEB parking lot.
  2. Seeing a regular squirrel on test day. Everyone knows that if you see an albino squirrel on test day you get an A. But did you know if you see a regular squirrel, you’ve just blown your entire future?
  3. Not putting your horns up during “The Eyes of Texas.” You’re the reason for losing seasons. (And maybe that other guy.)
  4. Eating chili with beans in it. Not only bad luck, but just generally less enjoyable.
  5. Forgetting to bring your own bag to the store. You know the rules.
  6. Spilling barbecue sauce. Combat your imminent bad luck by squirting some over your left shoulder. Preferably onto a piece of brisket.
  7. Your phone ringing during Alamo’s “no talking zone” warning. The only thing worse than interrupting the movie, is interrupting the “no talking” clip.
  8. Littering. Did you read the sign? Don’t mess, y’all.
  9. Getting pooped on by a bat. You know how if a bird poops on you it’s good luck? Guano is different.
  10. Saying “alright” just two times. Don’t be facetious.
  11. Picking a bluebonnet. It’s not illegal, but it’s not chill, either.
  12. Wearing clothes at Hippie Hollow. All that stands between you and nudity (and bad luck) are those pants!
  13. Being normal. Just leave.

READ: Keeping Austin weird, keeps it prosperous

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